Friday, March 16, 2007

my story chapter 3

She got up to see what happened. As she was walking toward a door a voice said loudly"you can never leave"! then she fell through the floor into another room. In the other room was a table and some chairs. "Whoa, two falls in one day". She got up to look around. This still wasn't her apartment. Would she keep falling down untill she died? She looked up to see where the hole was but there was no hole to be seen. She decided to look around to see if she could find a way out of the room.If she could navigate around the room, she could maybe get out of the curse that was on her. She got a flower vase off one of the tables and put it on a spot on the rug in front of her. When it didn't fall through she stepped carefully onto the spot then put the vase down on another spot.
It fell through. when she tried everything near her and they had all fallen through, she decided to take her chances and jumped toward the door...


tune in for chapter 4

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow
Great story, I especialy like "would she keep falling down untill she died"? This really made me stop and pause, I think this story is an excellent alegory for life and the answer to the question is; yes. Yes she will keep falling down because thats what life is about. Yes, yes she will keep falling down until the day she stops getting up and thats the same day she dies.
Am I right?
I really like your story and you have an exciting and dynamic style, three suggestions if I may...
1. Have a proof-reader look at the copy and scan for smelling mistakes. They take away the readers attention from the story and make it harder to keep the mood.
2. Try going into more details describing the character and their surroundings, make them believable, tell the reader what's going on in her head. Where is this girl from? When she fell did it knock the wind out of her? Does this room smell? Give the reader prompts that are asscociated with the senses so they can quickly relate to what the character in your story is going through.
3. Have a proof-reader look at the copy and scan for smelling mistakes. They take away the readers attention from the story and make it harder to keep the mood.

Emma Unrau Cairns said...

very good idea. i will do that

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