tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166047014599211413.post3811721006549583383..comments2023-07-03T08:31:37.058-07:00Comments on The Jean and all star queen: my story chapter 3the jean queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16883853384121145608noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166047014599211413.post-61747628063381011342007-03-17T07:41:00.000-07:002007-03-17T07:41:00.000-07:00very good idea. i will do thatvery good idea. i will do thatthe jean queenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16883853384121145608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166047014599211413.post-79900329710860162482007-03-16T20:24:00.000-07:002007-03-16T20:24:00.000-07:00WowGreat story, I especialy like "would she keep f...Wow<BR/>Great story, I especialy like "would she keep falling down untill she died"? This really made me stop and pause, I think this story is an excellent alegory for life and the answer to the question is; yes. Yes she will keep falling down because thats what life is about. Yes, yes she will keep falling down until the day she stops getting up and thats the same day she dies.<BR/>Am I right? <BR/>I really like your story and you have an exciting and dynamic style, three suggestions if I may...<BR/>1. Have a proof-reader look at the copy and scan for smelling mistakes. They take away the readers attention from the story and make it harder to keep the mood.<BR/>2. Try going into more details describing the character and their surroundings, make them believable, tell the reader what's going on in her head. Where is this girl from? When she fell did it knock the wind out of her? Does this room smell? Give the reader prompts that are asscociated with the senses so they can quickly relate to what the character in your story is going through.<BR/>3. Have a proof-reader look at the copy and scan for smelling mistakes. They take away the readers attention from the story and make it harder to keep the mood.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com